lol..this girl
a day or two ago
a friend of mine in cermic class
she asked me
do u hav a bf ?
and i hesitated a nope
she said why dotn ug et one, u had one before
and i said..nah....
..i remember i said a whole lot of things..but on e of them i only remmebered..and it was
"i dont want to hav tat pressure on me again"

i dont htink i ever wanna fall in love again
and i know tat in the future i might fall in love
but i will force myself not to love

weird...iono why..
im sad and dont wanan eat my breakfast anymore..
but..when i do try make myself finish it...i wanted to throw up...

im hiding my tears!
holding them back
tryin to be strong
with me good luck

i shouldnt hav went back on the net today
it sucks like always
i shouldve stayed studying



---update

cried twice at scool today...first itme..no one knows...
second time..i cried on my friends shoulder quietly..and three knew i cry..

i know im not brave enough to cut myself
and it doesnt seem like..tat person will care
tats why i dotn do it no more..

...im gettin my blood test today
i cant wait
to feel the pain

and yet..im so lost


i dont know
..why
why i cant forget you

and why
ur name is carved
onto my shattered pieces
of heart
those big bold
dark engraving

and in photos
i see eyes smiling
and wonder to myself..
..if my eyes would ever smile again

..bye bye


------im home.........
went to take bloodtest..
i was excited to feel some pain...and scared too..
..i squeezed my mums hand tight..and hold my fist tight..as the nurse poke the needle into my vein.....

it ws interesting..then after a few grocery shopping..i went to piano.

...i also deleted the txts...............my precious txt msgs....that someone once sent me...days...months...ago




im jst a stupid old rock, that dresses up to look good, and dream for someone to pick me up